Forgiveness...

Earlier this month I was watching a week of shows on forgiveness with Joyce Meyer.  She just released a new book in September called "Do Yourself a Favor.... Forgive" .  I have not read the book yet but I will get to it soon. 

One show had an interview with Sandra, Joyce's daughter.  She was talking about her struggle with forgiveness.  Her struggle with this was with herself.  I also have a very big problem with this.  Sometimes I believe more so than with forgiving others.  Sandra talked about how she would go to bed every night feeling bad because of all the things she didn't get done on her to do list.  She would never be at peace.  I feel this same exact way.  I feel so bad if I don't get my to do list done for the day.  Some of my problem is that I procrastinate and then things pile up and I also goof off... read a book, surf the net, facebook you name it anything to keep me from my reality and to do list.   This makes me feel bad because if I didn't put things off I might actually get my to do list done.  Sandra said she had to change her attitude to looking at it from the stand point of what she did get done and not from what she didn't get done.  My friend, Denise, has told me to do this too but so far this concept hasn't reached through to my stubborn brain. 

I have struggled with offense and taking things too personal.  I have had a lot of people tell me they are going to do this or that and then they never do.  This happens to be a real pet peeve of mine and I am very conscious that I don't do this myself.  I consciously try not to do this to others but I will do this to myself and Nicole.  Denise also believes that this struggle with offense and taking things personally against me is tied to my parents divorce and the relationship I had/didn't have with my dad when I was a teenager.  I can see where there might be a connection but I don't like putting the blame on others unless it is clear the blame goes there.  I think it is too easy of a trap that we fall into when we start blaming others. 

I have had to forgive a lot since 2010 with friends and family not living up to MY expectations and causing me to be offended, hurt, and to question myself.  God says we should be quick to forgive like he forgives us.   I think one of the biggest people I have had to forgive is myself and my role in Nicole's illness.  I wish I could say with peace that I have forgiven myself but I can't as this is still a work in progress. 

I think so many things tie into forgiveness ... our own expectations, offense and pride to name a few.