Saturday, June 11, 2011

What a Week ....

What a week it has been.... I know it could be worse, always could be worse.  The week started off frustrating.  We have really known for a while that we would have to file bankruptcy after my husband was laid off.  I have asked him and asked him to find an attorney.  He's not home all day and doesn't get the dozen calls everyday.  Finally, I just did it myself.  I told him about the attorney on Monday evening and he hemmed and hawed about it.  I asked when he wanted me to make an appointment.  He said "I don't know".  This and "I don't care" are the two most popular phrases in my house that I get from my husband and my daughter.  It is so frustrating. 

Finally, on Tuesday evening I asked him what time and what day and he told me.  I had done all the leg work all he had to do was show up for the appointment.  My daughter, who I love very much, same with my husband, has no motivation to do anything.  I know that she is very ill with a incurable illness that she's had to try and deal with the past year.  We all have but I feel that I have to be strong and carry everyone.  I just feel that she has so much potential that she's wasting.  All she wants to do is play on the computer and draw.  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this but everything in moderation. I'm sure some of the issues are typical teenager.

I had to deal with doctor's offices because people don't know how to do their job.  I had to call the hospital because they don't know how to fax over lab results to the issuing doctor.  I wasn't happy with the results as her platelet count continued to drop and is now right above the critically low stage which is 100,000.  I want to know why her count keeps dropping.  I am told that her hemoglobin and red blood count is low also for her.  To look at the numbers she is borderline high but because she is cyanotic (blue) so her numbers should be much higher.  I was suppose to receive a call on Friday after the doctor researched her medications and such to see what to do.  I never received a call. 

I have waited over a week for a response from her ph specialist at Shand's hospital regarding  a couple of questions that her rheumatologist had regarding medicines for her joint pain.  I always seem to wait so long for a response from them.  I did get a response from her local cardiologist. 

Today was no better when I seemed to have lost my debit card.  I completely emptied my purse and all the contents and went through them several times.  I used it at the grocery store and shoved it back in my purse.  I called the grocery store and dollar store (didn't use it at the dollar store but thought maybe it fell out) but nobody had returned it.  I went to cancel it and was on the phone with customer service when my husband starting yelling at me about it. I had to tell the person I would have to call them back.  I told my husband that he didn't help the situation because he made me feel like I was stupid and worthless even though he said he didn't do it but I made myself feel this way.  I told him to do whatever he wanted about it I wasn't handling it.  All he could think/talk about was how HE was going to be inconvenienced. 

I have been very good about my online classes but won't be able to study until at least Thursday of this week which I can't go more than a day without studying or I can't  expect to get it done by the due date. 

I really do feel so much better when I write.  My computer is giving me so many problems because the track pad (laptop) which I don't use because I like a mouse is so sensitive it does weird things and I don't know enough about Window 7 to adjust the sensitivity. 

I feel invisible.  I feel that nobody offers to help me with anything whether it be my husband, my daughter, the rest of my family or friends.  I feel like I have to make every and all decision because my husband/daughter either can't or won't make any.  I feel so alone trapped in my own little box.  It is very difficult when you have financial burdens and also have a daughter who is chronically ill.

I will try and stay positive and hope next week is better. 

1 comment:

  1. {{{HUG}}} Glad that I saw this update today so I could be one person to offer you up some love and support. I know you are struggling and truly hurting from all that life is throwing at you. All of those stresses for sure not only take a toll on you as a person but everyone else affected by it. I am here if you ever need to talk Jane. Lifting you up in prayer!!