Monday, April 18, 2011

13 years ago today...

On this day thirteen years ago I lost my mom to complications of brain surgery due to lung cancer.  I was with her when I unplugged her from life support.  This is one of the hardest things I've had to do but I know my mom would have wanted that.  I believed that she would be able to breathe on her own without the help of life support and was devastated when she didn't.

I wish she had gotten to see Nicole grow up.  Nicole was 2 1/2 when she died.  I hope that she would be proud of me and the way I handled her memorial service and my life since she died. I hope that she would be proud of Nicole and the young lady she has become.   I think of her almost every day as she was my best friend. 

This is probably the first year that I haven't hated or cursed April because my mom was diagnosed, had brain surgery and died all between April 8th and April 18th.  It seems that there's always something bad that happens in April and I'm trying to change that thinking.

I am also grateful on this day for my mother-in-law who has been like a mother to me.  I love her dearly and would do anything for her.  While she will never take the place of my mom she does come in a close second.

For my aunt and uncles who will also remember this day as the day they lost a sister, you are also in my thoughts.  I also think of grandma and how every year she grieved the loss.

I will choose to remember not so much her death today but the life she had and what she meant to me.

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